Okay this is really a stereotype nightmare, but I suppose I have had enough experience in so many of the areas that I can't help but laugh. I hope you can find some humor in it...otherwise I apologize beforehand.
MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU
Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.
Please select from the following options menu:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell You which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, hang up. It doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 9-6-9-6.
If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. But Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too busy to talk with you.
If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.
If you are blonde, don't press any buttons. You'll just mess it up. (I left this one in for Jason)
This coming week is National Mental Health Care week. You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one unstable person to show you care.
(Well, my job is done . Your turn!!)
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3 comments:
Nice! haha! Funny! Great way to start my day. Thanks!
But one problem, I fit into several of the categories? WHICH number do I PICK?!? :)
I like your blog. It must be the in thing to do. My brother Jared and Diahan have one for their famiy and they have links to all of their friends blogs. I just don't think I am ready to commit to something like this. But it is very fun to read other peoples. If anyone could relate to the mental jokes I knew my friends could. Your kids look so big and their are all so cute. Sean Micah is an 11 year old scout! Holy cow! But to put it all in perspective Daniel is a junior, driving, has a girlfriend and is going to Homecoming in a week! Leah is Beehive president and can't wait to turn 14 and be with the older girls. Alex is 8 and bugs are his theme. Oliver is just too darn cute to comprehend. Life is good.
What if I can't be sure which illness needs the most urgent care?
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